Bard? Fool?

Youth is the semblance of strength, love is the semblance of peace. Neither youth nor strength nor love nor peace can be granted to me [...] nor can I accept such a gift.

-2666, Roberto Bolaño

Skills: none. 

Gear: an instrument that's easy to pick up and noodle around on: a harmonica, a tin whistle, a guitar, etc. 

Unlike most classes, you lose access to old templates as you get each new one.  

A: You play well enough that nearly everyone likes it, which means that nearly everyone likes you. No mechanical effect. 

You cannot be trapped or restrained against your will - cuffs come loose, binding ropes slacken, prison doors swing open. If you wish to leave, you may always do so. This doesn't stop people from killing or maiming you. 

You roll on the Death and Dismemberment table with advantage. 

B: You roll on the Death and Dismemberment table with advantage. 

When you have the time and focus to play properly for someone (you can do this over lunch, before sleep in camp, etc.), you can double the effects of any healing of any kind that they receive from a rest. Your playing can also guarantee a good night's sleep, which overrides spells, curses, and other effects that might prevent this. 

If you look directly into someone's eyes as you speak with them, they will find that they cannot knowingly tell a lie. Your mind cannot be read by sorcery, nor can you be scried on, located, or otherwise sensed using magic. You gain +1 to-hit with swords, the weapons of kings. 

C: If you look directly into someone's eyes as you speak with them, they will find that they cannot knowingly tell a lie. Your mind cannot be read by sorcery, nor can you be scried on, located, or otherwise sensed using magic. You gain +1 to-hit with swords, the weapons of kings. 

Your playing is now greatly famed. You can show people the truth of themselves as you see it - mechanically this means that you can redistribute HD between the members of an audience that you play for. You can add or subtract a maximum of [templates] HD to each individual creature this way, and any changes that you make last until midnight. The tyrant king is a fool and a coward, his champions are oafs, the good man is a giant, a paragon. You can shift these HD to yourself if you wish to. No one listening knows that it is you doing this, but they can feel themselves growing or shrinking. 

You know the secret names of things, which means that you can learn spells like a Magic User - though initially you have none of your own - and gain a single MD. If you give a sword its first name it becomes your ally, and counts as a +1 sword that gives you an extra attack when you wield it. 

D: If you look directly into someone's eyes as you speak with them, they will find that they cannot knowingly tell a lie. Your mind cannot be read by sorcery, nor can you be scried on, located, or otherwise sensed using magic. You gain +1 to-hit with swords, the weapons of kings. 

Your playing is now greatly famed. You can show people the truth of themselves as you see it - mechanically this means that you can redistribute HD between the members of an audience that you play for. You can add or subtract a maximum of [templates] HD to each individual creature this way, and any changes that you make last until midnight. The tyrant king is a fool and a coward, his champions are oafs, the good man is a giant, a paragon. You can shift these HD to yourself if you wish to. No one listening knows that it is you doing this, but they can feel themselves growing or shrinking. 

You know the secret names of things, which means that you can learn spells like a Magic User - though initially you have none of your own - and gain a single MD. If you give a sword its first name it becomes your ally, and counts as a +1 sword that gives you an extra attack when you wield it. 

You may now redistribute MD by stealing them from other Magic Users, in precisely the same way that you can redistribute HD. If you slay the Magic User so affected before midnight, the reallocation is permanent. You may still only invest a maximum of [templates] MD this way, which means that your personal MD cap at 5. 

Choose only one of the following:

• You learn the spells Wish, Power Word: Kill, and Geas, taught to you by the Powers you hold court with. You will not die except by violence or poison. Any who know your name can blind, silence, and bind you with it. 
• You play well enough that nearly everyone likes it, which means that nearly everyone likes you. No mechanical effect. Whenever you wish, you may your D template and regain your A Template.