I have been thinking about Muppets, and also other Henson puppets, Skekses, Gelflings, etc. Jenx from the purple server put up some fantastic muppet-goblin art recently, and I have long been a fan of the Mockeries from Bastionland. Barony has its own fascinations with puppetry and theatre, but it has never quite hit this specific note.
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Moppets
Moppets are strange things. They appear to adventurers sometimes in places of confusion and unreality; deep below the world; at the boiling, reeking edges of the earth; under the bed at midnight; in pleasant ambling between the arcades and towers and endless boulevards of Dream.
Their simple bodies are made from felt. They always appear far from ordered and civilised places, and will never accompany you back. If you try to drag them you will find that they vanish, or deflate into piles of rags.
A moppet can be encountered as a random encounter in any place sufficiently dreamy. A moppet will usually introduce itself in a big, friendly voice, and quite quickly make its character and wants known to you. They are not subtle things. You know what they look like.
If it likes you, a moppet will 'tag along'. Often this will be sitting on your shoulder (they weigh almost nothing), but sometimes they will walk besides you, talking about whatever specific thing they have decided is their interest for today. If it doesn't like you, it with disappear with a loud yell or other silliness, prompting a roll on the wandering monster table.
Moppets appear one at a time, but are often part of larger groups of 3 or 4. You meet one, then another (they will introduce one another to you), then another. Eventually you might have a little gaggle of them sitting on your shoulders, babbling away and singing songs to one another.
Moppets, a bit like Modrons, know things. They often know all about the dungeon, and will offer pieces of useful information in exchange for deliberate shows of camaraderie, kindness, selflessness, etc. All moppets are fundamentally kind, even if they make a show of being scary or crazy. They will very often ask you to explain what you just did, and why you just did it, in a sort of play-acted call and response, as a way of confirming your own kindness to yourself. They might also trade information about the dungeon for shiny trash, bits of food, a nice scarf, or whatever tickles their fancy.
Moppets can be very encouraging. If you fail a skill check with one of your shoulder, you may reroll the check, with an additional +1 per moppet past the first. They will probably sing a song of lockpicking or something when you do this. You know what they sound like!
If combat breaks out with intelligent foes, a moppet will negotiate with them on your behalf - they are very persuasive. This means that you roll reactions with advantage while accompanied by a moppet, and with an additional +1 for each moppet past the first.
A moppet on your shoulder will sacrifice itself to absorb a fatal blow about to strike you. All moppets have a single point of hp, and go flying away comically when absorbing a hit like this. Unless destroyed with fire or acid or similar, they can be repaired with a sewing kit and 30 mins of labour, which returns them to life immediately.
Moppets can also be thrown around, pushed through small holes, dropped from high places, etc. without damage, and will happily be made use of this way in the dungeon. They can be clumsy, inappropriately jokey, and devoid of any sense of urgency, but they are mostly sincerely good natured and will follow clear instructions eventually.
This moppet is:
- Sarcastic but kind-hearted.
- Clueless but sincere.
- Angry but valiant.
- Cowardly but clever.
- Scary but gentle.
- Vain but loyal.
- Silent but extremely encouraging via charades.
- Impossible to understand, because it speaks in nonsense language, but very enthusiastic.
- Stupid but happy and optimistic.
- Depressive but protective.
Rare Moppets
Punches and Judes
Always come as a pair, and unlike most moppets, always up for a scrap. They will 'comedically' and non-damagingly beat one another up during rests, and will constantly belittle and demean one another. They still give surprisingly good advice, it's just in the register of 'don't let him do it, he'll butcher it, do it like this.' Unlike regular moppets, Punches and Judes antagonise and insult intelligent foes, giving the party a -1 on reaction rolls.
They also fight in combat with the following stats, screaming elaborate insults at your enemies:
HD1, comical flailing (as improvised weapon), unarmoured, movement: zooming around like puppets on strings (as human), disposition: vocally furious, inventively insulting.
If the Punch or the Jude's counterpart is 'killed', they will get a second melee attack for the rest of the combat. Like all moppets, they can usually be repaired with sewing supplies in the aftermath. They will loudly mock you if you get hit, enemies if they are killed, one another if they miss an attack.
Alices
Or Percivals, or Eleanors, or Peters, or Susans...
A very strange and specific type of moppet - always takes the form of a human child in expensive clothing (there are both male and female Alices, and they sometimes appear in clothes usually worn by the opposite gender), and very well made compared to the 'usual' moppet style.
Alices are on their own journeys through the underworld, and will demand that you help them achieve whatever strange goal that they have. This will usually be something recognisably adventure-ey - 'I want to slay the terrible Beaft at the bottom of this maze, but I simply cannot find the way to it!', or 'I need a mirror, and a pot of the reddest paint you have ever seen if I am to return home before supper!' This kind of thing.
If you do agree to go along with it, an Alice will scold and belittle monsters and other foes that you come across, and which are 'in your way!' This scolding gives a 2 in 6 chance that the combat simply does not happen - the beast emerges, or the bandits approach, get a stern talking to, and slink away, confused and ashamed.
If combat does break out, the Alice will exasperatedly join in with an improvised weapon of their own. Alices are completely fearless, and can be surprisingly vicious.
If you don't agree to go along with their quest, an Alice will start to scream shrilly, which will result in an automatic encounter with other monsters. When they arrive, the Alice will join them in attacking you, calling you all beasts.
If the Alice is successful in their quest, it will thank you in a long winded and precious way, tell you all that it has had ever so much fun, and disappear into thin air.
HD2, a croquet mallet, kitchen knife, wooden sword, fire poker etc., which hits as a heavy weapon in their hands and useless in anyone else's, steely gaze and priggish fastidiousness (AC 12), movement: as human, disposition: the most precocious child.
Alices are confidently wrong about general knowledge (geography, mathematics, rhetoric, etc.), and will pipe up and expect to be listened to and taken seriously in every social or decision-making situation. You are the side characters in their adventure.
The Monster!
Most moppets are between the size of a hand puppet and a small child. The Monster is about seven feet tall, but made of the same felt material, and with the same soft and playful demeanour. The Monster will not follow you as normal; instead it will jump out at you from the darkness as a random encounter, trying to scare you, and then running off laughing. Whenever it does this, the whole party heals d6 fear damage.
After a few rounds of 'scaring' you this way, the Monster will show up at your camp, and sit down next to the PCs without speaking. If you offer it food, it will eat 10 rations and laugh with pleasure. Henceforth, whenever combat is joined, it will emerge from the shadows to aid its new friends. Will expect 10 rations each rest from now on, and will run away weeping if these are not provided.
There is more than one Monster, but they are all called the Monster!
HD3, paws x2 (as heavy weapon), unarmoured, movement: a bumbling human, disposition: a goofball who will cry if anyone dies or is seriously injured. A grinning, staring terror to your enemies.
Scyrax
Tall, ugly moppets, patterned on the Bird Kings of old. Cruel and scheming. They are built with steel beaks and claws and horrible staring eyes, and when they talk the sound is like a metal rasp. Scyrax are often sculpted with strange eye glasses, lenses, and other mock-professional gear. They want you be pragmatic, hard-headed, realistic about your problems, strong, untrusting, and ready to kill, and to this end they can be good teachers.
They give you none of the usual benefits of a moppet, but will fight next to you in combat. While you and an accompanying Scyrax are attacking the same creature, you both get +1 to hit and to damage. They are also horribly quiet and stealthy when they need to be. You have a -1 chance to being surprised when accompanied by a Scyrax, and a +1 chance of getting surprise yourself.
HD4, steel beak (as heavy, or as gigantic on a crit) + steel claws (as light), unarmoured, movement: as villainous ostrich, disposition: curious, bright-eyed sadist. Beneath this, highly intelligent and nearly scholarly.
Scyrax are something akin to a priestly caste for other moppets, and inspire terror and awe in them in equal measure. Even Alices sulkily endure scoldings from a Scyrax.
All Scyrax know the secret of the two divine mutilations, and will perform either on you if you ask them to. They will never offer this of their own accord, and knowledge of the mutilations is not common. Performing one is a sacred process, and will require a sharp knife or scalpel (all Scyrax carry their own), and an hour or so to perform correctly. The divine mutilations are Decapitation and Drawing.
- Decapitation. Your head is removed in such a way that the body survives. You become an animalistic NPC monster, controlled by the DM. This monsters feeds itself by shoving food down the hole in its neck. It cannot see or hear, but it can sense souls within 100ft. It wants to tear the heads of other humans, to give them a taste of the great serenity and dignity the comes with the shedding of sentient thought. Beings that they decapitate die as normal.
- Drawing. Your stomach and viscera are removed and eaten, and the resulting cavity is filled with straw and sawdust. You lose 2 CON, but no longer need to eat or drink. You also completely cease to desire sex, wealth, or status.
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